It's The Way You Hold Your Mouth & Other Shorts
by The Bonnie Pirate Lass
Summary: Rating May Go Up. Story reposted due to ff.net problem. A collection of short, may become funny stories featuring our favorite pirate people!


Summary: "Elizabeth... I can't help the way I feel... it's just... it's the way you hold your mouth..."  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. I do not own Jack Sparrow (and if I did, I  
would immediately sign away all of my ownership rights to Memory Untainted), nor Elizabeth Swann (thank god), Captain   
Barbossa, Jack the Monkey, and unfortunately, much to my dismay, I don't own William Turner. He owns himself, and is  
enjoying my basement thoroughly, thank you for asking.  
  
I do own Mistress Heavily. She's the bestest. *does a happy dance* I dun think I own anyone else. If another port strumpet  
should come into the story (I must make consultations with my muse and fellow mexican bandit before we all decide on saod  
strumpets name), she is owned by Memory Untainted. EVeryone, this is where I do the shameless plugging bit. Memory   
Untainted, along with being one of the best friends I've ever been blessed to have, is a fantasmagical writer, and the   
reason I came to know this lovely website. So it's all her fault. Hehe.  
  
THIS IS A HUMOR FIC. I should warn you now. I do NOT like Elizabeth. I will never miss an opporotunity to bash, diss, insult,  
hurt, toy with, torture, harrass, heckle, annoy, pester, bother, irritate, aggravate, and otherwise stress out dear Liz.  
She and her corsets, and her constant complaining about said corset, and the stupid way she holds her mouth throughout the  
movie (the reason I've named this story what I have), may all be lost to Davy Jones' Locker and forever after burn in hell.  
BAH HUMBUG.  
  
Alright, enough of my mindless, babble. STORY TIME! :)  
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Every citizen of Port Royal was ready and on their way to the Gorvernor's Mansion. It was the most talked about   
wedding any of them had ever seen, because all ideas of class and stature and social structure had been thrown out the  
window in order for the Governor's daughter to marry... a blacksmith.  
  
Elizabeth Swann sat at her vanity, staring at her complexion as three handmaids brushed, curled, and piled the tiny  
ringlets on top of her head, not minding how hard they pulled. Liz winced, biting the inside of her lip. Sure, it hurt less  
than a corset, but pain was pain, right? "Oh, Miss Swann, marrying Mr. Turner!" cooed Estella, kneeling beside her as she  
smiled up into her face, eyes sparkling. "It's so exciting!" She grinned. Elizabeth nodded, smiling brightly. "Aye, 'tis  
very exciting... my stomach's all in knots..." She looked down at Estella, who looked up at her, and the two of them  
giggled. "Oh, I'll miss you terribly when I leave, Estella..." She hugged the maid tightly. "You've been the best friend   
I've ever known..." Immediately, Estella burst into tears, and the other maids rushed out quickly at Elizabeth's command.  
"Oh, Elizabeth, I don't know what I'll do without you..." She smiled at her friend, teary-eyed and blubbering, and Elizabeth  
smiled knowingly. "You'll elope with Robert is what you'll do..." She said, a giggle in her voice, and Estella blushed.  
"Aye, aye, oh, goodness you're right..." The two girls laughed to themselves, stopping immediately as there was a knock on  
the door.  
  
"Elizabeth? May I come in?" passed her fathers voice through the door. Estella, eyes wide, jumped up quickly,  
wiping her eyes. Checking her face one more time in the mirror, Elizabeth stood up, rushing over to the door as Estrella  
held her skirts behind her.   
  
He smiled brightly as she opened the door, his eyes falling upon his beautiful daughter, all grown up, and his  
smile began to quiver as he eyed her. "Oh, Elizabeth, you... you're stunning... Absolutely stunning..." he breathed out  
quietly, and pulled her close to him, closing his eyes as he embraced her. "You look like your mother did on our wedding  
day..." He pulled back, tears in his eyes, and could only look at her, saying nothing, doing nothing. "Thank you, Papa..."  
She threw her arms around him once more, trying not to cry for fear the thin line of kohl around her eyes would run, and  
he held her close once more. "William is a fine man, Elizabeth... he loves you, very much, and you'll be very happy. He's  
a lucky man..."  
  
She smiled at him, a genuine smile, and nodded. "Aye... I'm just as lucky..." she squeezed his hand, smiling   
appreciatively, and he sighed. "Well! I think I should let you finish... it'll only be a few more moments now..." He kissed  
her cheek, and turned down the stairs, his foot, like his heart, a little heavier each step down.   
  
Elizabeth spun on her heels, peering into her room at Estella, who had been pretending to straighten things so she  
could listen in on the conversation, and the two young women shared a smile. Estella held out her hand to Lizzie, smiling.  
"Come on, then, Miss, let's get you finished, eh?"   
-----  
  
William Turner was a wreck.  
  
He hadn't stopped throwing up all morning. Now, as he hovered over a small wooden bucket, emptied at least four  
times, his stomach only heaved up air. Various hands dabbed at his face with handkerchiefs, wiping away tiny beads of sweat,  
while others tried to finish his outfit, and he held up his hands. "Please... enough...!" he exclaimed, standing up and  
reeling out to the balcony, closing his eyes as the spring air brushed softly against his cheek.  
  
"Master Turner, your presence is required now at the alter..." The voice of the Swanns new butler came from behind  
him, and Will took a deep breath as he descended the stairs, heading out to the sprawling gardens of the Governor's Mansion,  
and took his place under a trelis of roses at the alter.  
  
The string quartet struck up, Elizabeth's cue to step out into the bright sunlight, and she did, everyone in   
attendance standing up and turning to watch her walk down the aisle. Nervously, she forced a smile to Will, who was  
frozen. He had never seen her look so beautiful.  
  
Looking down to her feet as she walked, not something she normally did, she felt it - her mouth, slowly turning   
itself into the perfect circle, taking on almost a pouty look. It was something she paid attention to any other time, but   
this... this was her wedding day, and she had vowed beforehand not to forget even the smallest part of it. She looked up  
at Will, now standing before him and the priest, and he cringed as his eyes fell upon her lips. Before now, he hadn't heard  
a word the priest had said. Now, he was waiting for just the tiniest sentance to set him free of that awful pout.  
  
"If anyone here believes these two should not be wed, speak now... or forever hold thy peace..." The priest said  
dramatically. Will's eyes flew across the crowd nervously, praying someone, ANYONE would speak up, but he had no such luck.  
  
This wedding would meet its end at his hands, he assumed, and was willing and ready to do everything in his power to  
watch it fall.  
  
"I do... I do!" He exclaimed, a bit louder the second time. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow to him. "William, you're a   
bit early..." she hissed, eyes wide and cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "No, Elizabeth... I can't marry you..."  
  
She stood there, the color slowly draining from her face as a wave of gasps passed over the crowd. "No, William,  
you can't possibly mean that..." She whispered to him, tears shining in her doe-like eyes.  
  
Taking her gloved hand in his, and bringing it softly to his lips, he could only speak slowly. He kissed her on the  
cheek quickly, and whispered in her ear before making a mad dash towards the exits:  
"Elizabeth... I can't help the way I feel... it's just... it's the way you hold your mouth..."  
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Well, there. It's not really all that funny. It's just a short thingie I had to get out of my system before I died. Now,   
that could mean die because I didn't write it, or get it out before I died an old lady, warm in her bed. Your choice. %_^  
Yes, and thats a pirate and it's eyepatch, isn't it cute?! Anyway... I've decided this is going to be a collection of short,  
random pirate stories featuring our lovely PotC cast, so don't read this like a chapter by chapter thing, because it's not.  
It's a collection of short stories.   
Always,  
Mistress Heavily 


End file.
